Tat2lover56

“Okay. First of all, I read your profile several times — not because I am slow or lack. intellect,’but because it was/ is important to me that I respond to you.

My name is Jacob, and the simple truth, the bottom line, Amber, is what you already know.
Life is a process.
Now, let me share with you.
I’ve lived an interesting life, one that ultimately landed me in the witness security protection program, run by the DOJ.
I tell you that in order to show you how big of a mess I made of my life when I was younger.
I just completed a prison sentence that started in 1999, and you know something?! Life is wonderful. There are so many kind and helpful people that I am amazed.
But.
But people do not want me in their personal lives. You see, how do I make positive friends when people turn away from me when they hear about my past?!

Does it help that the US Marshal that arrested me is now my friend?! Or that anyone can speak to me and see that I am intelligent?! What about the fact that the last grade that I completed was the 5th?! I am completely self educated — but who cares?!

Something else that I loved about your profile!! I hate this bs idea that people put forwards: if a person curses, it demonstrates their lack of intelligences…WTF??!! That is some horse sh*t for sure!! I f*cling cuss cuz it makes me feel good!!

I would love to hear from you — I do not have any friends in Washington.
Id like you to be one of them.”

Dear Jacob,

You felt it was important to write to me, and so I will return the favor, with a reply. What you are seeking is redemption, but that is not a gift freely given, because people are scared of becoming prey. Why should anyone let you close? Why should they give you a chance when the risk out weighs the benefit of six billion other choices.  Why choose you? because you’re amazing? I don’t really care how amazing you are. As you said yourself, the world is full of wonderful people. I am going to pick one of them to be friends with, less liability; I know you understand.

That’s a b*tch for you. Life is a b*tch, but don’t be flattered, because you are not alone in isolation, and judgement. We are all convicted, and guilty. Sinners. I am no different than you. I spent most of my childhood in and out of the hospital, missing more school than making it. I appreciate the compliment you paid me by assuming my education, but mine is of similar extent, though I did attend some college. I was living on the streets by sixteen, and I know full well what it is like to be caged. I laid low with warrants out for my arrest for two years, because I was not going back, and they would make me. I am respectful of an honorable sentence, but I was not willing to become the system simply because there was no place for a girl with my mind and attitude. Juveniles do not need to commit crime to be incarcerated; they are the ward of parental justice as the law sees fit to uphold.

You are a convict, good sir. Do not forget your place, because it knows you. The rest of the world has its head so far up its own ass that you might as well be invisible. I wonder about your intent in sharing, a con knows a con, suspiciously. What are you selling, sympathy? Would you have me feel bad for you, would you have me friend you, because  it is difficult for you to fit in? I am a total freak my friend, I don’t really fit either, but I can. I blend quite well to most any situation, and I thrive in the most unbecoming circumstances. I flourish elsewhere. Perhaps you should consider creating a new reality. You asked how to be surrounded by positive people, mentioning that you are shunned upon the mentioning of your past. Now might be a good time to keep your f*cking mouth shut, as in, shut that door so a new future can come in. You are dragging the devils tail along with you by putting your business out there. No one really cares that you went to prison, but since you are announcing it I will imagine that you are a pedophile, or that you beat women. I will imagine all the crazy things that lead to a thirteen year prison sentence… did I do that math right?

It doesn’t really matter does it, because at the end of the day none of us want to end up the statistic. There is nothing more stupid than a corpse. Attracting positive people is easy. It is as simple as being a positive force in this world. I am radiant, and so my life is full of people the color of sunshine, in all shades of warm. I do good things, and so good things happen. I have yet to meet anyone that I would not call a friend, but not all are invited for close attention. I simply do not have time to be friends with everybody, but I would love to meet most everyone once. Could you imagine how cool life would be if I was able to write a novel about lives I will never have time to live. Lives like yours…

Who are you besides your past? If there were no history, who would you be now? Is there a reason you stain your first impression with such a vulnerable truth? Certainly you would know better, having served time? Trust no one with your business…. Respect is earned, and money is the only justice, because death is too final. What is your value as a person, and by what measure? Is it one that counts for more than the justice you were served? How would you judge your aspirations, tethered by your capabilities? Are you living up to your own potential?

These are the questions I ask myself everyday, in a world where most could careless, because they can’t care more. There are too many people for you to ever be alone. If you are looking for a different crowd all you need to do is walk into church. Those people are love freaks, and they lap up comeback stories like a kitten spoiled on cream. There is no way you can fail in those doors, and I am saying that as someone who does not walk through them. If you go in there, and you start doing really cool things to help other people, people with less than you, your entire life will change. You will only know positive. I am telling you that with all the faith I have in man’s own evil. We are equally good by the freedom of choice.

My choice to swear is an indulgence,  quite rude by habit.  Swearing does evoke proof of lack of intelligence, because it is a standard of class. One of proper stature would not be so stupid as to stoop to the vulgarity of offence.  Word choices are powerful in the messages they send, and people are sensitive. I know without doubt, that at least one person will be offended about something written in this content. I considered removing, “The rest of the world has its head so far up its own ass that you might as will be invisible.” It was nearly an edit, because it offends me to be thought of that way, self centered, which is worse that selfish, because it is plural to a way of being. It is also a type cast we all fit on some level. To consider the entire world at once would be the madness of impossibility, and failure. I am the centered self that knows the peace of an invited circle, and it is an exclusive club. I only have so many hours, and so many days, and mixed in all that is the responsibility of choice. How, and with whom, do I want to spend my valuable time?

I took a considerable amount of time, the gift of it in thought, writing this reply, which is more attention than I allow most. As you felt it was important to write to me, please make equal note in the gravity of my message. You are the product of your choices. If you want to be a good and honorable man you will be. You will attract what you believe you are, so please look for the best in yourself. Life is indeed process, which means that each of us is tangible to every possible outcome. I write this in the highest regard of wanting all the best things for you, and your new life. I believe that you will have many, many, good friends because you said it yourself. “I am amazed by how many good and kind people there are.” Those people are friends.

You contacted me on a dating website, and so you should know that beyond your circumstance I would not choose you. You are not my type. In regards to friendship, please do add me to the list, with the caveat that I do not have time for most everyone. It is not likely that we will ever meet, but if we do I will extend the handshake of a smile, with the acknowledgement of my best. I will also not be writing again, as I do not have time for pen pals.

You are your own identity, but you are not one. You get to choose who gets what part of you. The world does not deserve the knowing of all, most of you should be kept to the privacy of love. Choose to be the man that you are most proud of, and the rest of us will see you that way.

My best to you,

Amber