I am normally a very private person (a f*cking comedian I am) but today is your lucky day because I am dishing.
Yesterday there was mention of a stolen iphone and a magical kiss. We (he who shall go unnamed until I figure out what the f*ck is happening) took the Ferris wheel up the Seattle skyline Saturday night but I don’t remember seeing it. They shut us in our glass universe, we started to go up, and they pulled us back down. The operator opened our door to tell us, “Keep it PG.”
The PG of 1980? or MTV?
This whole thing could end badly. It’s just not right… I am telling you that right now. I don’t even really like the guy and I can’t seem to stop kissing him. It’s becoming disruptive. I should probably never see him again. That’s it… I am quitting him. I say that as I giggle because I had so much fun that it is a little bit embarrassing. He makes me do ridiculous things. Oh sh*t…. It’s a mess already.
SPLAT
I am going to be a bug smashed on a windshield. Buy stock in Windex.
oh and buy some Bounty too. The Quicker Picker Upper.
Why?
Because it sounds cool, that’s why.
I don’t know what I am doing! I could be f*cking sh*t up?
I know that most of you want me to win and if you’ve been following my facebook posts, blog, etc…. it may be that you sometimes wonder if I will. Hey, I can’t say I blame you. There are days I am certain that I have been failing the whole time. So what if I am? Maybe I am the example of what not to do. I don’t f*cking know. Do I need to?
I am not fearless, but I can I be brave. Bravery is as easy as hiding fear. Fake it until you make it.
Says the person who never orgasms.
I don’t agree with that. Why do I need to fake it? If the sex sucks do I really need to pretend? Sex with him will not suck I can tell you that right now and I am not ready to be that familiar. The idea scares the hell out of me. That’s what struck me as different. This guy freaks me out. I keep looking for answers when there are none. Well.. unless you count the screaming in my head.
Slow Down Amber Garibay. Slow controlled movements prevent injury and red mustang speeding tickets. History is proof. Your mistakes are costly.
I didn’t think I had anything to lose back when I started writing two years ago. I wanted to tell an honest story and I certainly had no shame. I was also pretty clueless but Confucius looks an awful lot like Confusion. Can you blame me for getting a little mixed up? Some of you can and have. I don’t blame you. I blame myself.
I didn’t know what I was doing but I did it anyway, and I was warned because life does come with warning labels.
How many times have I burnt myself in this life?
I clock in thinking, “$15 an hour… that’s better than minimum wage.”
I burnt my ass on that slide.
Where the f*ck was MY warning label!
I would have headed that warning.
I am ignoring number two on that list.
CALL ME RULE BREAKER…
